No one told me how hard marriage would be. I thought all you needed was love and the rest would just magically fall into place. It seems so naive now. From the outside my life might have looked picture perfect, but behind closed doors we had lots of challenges.
After suffering years of infertility and multiple miscarriages, that meant that sex was an obligation for me, not a joy. I had a habit of numbing my emotions with food and wine rather than to deal with what was really bothering me. Slowly I shut down, stopped sharing my feelings and just settled into a life that I didn't really want.
For years I used work as an excuse to put my relationship on the back burner. It didn't matter what it was, I was always laser focused on my goals and as soon as I accomplished one, I moved onto the next shiny object.
Things took a turn for the worst when I started my own online fitness coaching business. I was spending an enormous amount of time trying to build my dream business while working full time. It was taking me away not only my husband but also my two young kids. There were multiple conversations about putting down my phone but I just didn't do it. I loved what I did but I was essentially choosing my clients over my family. This isn't something I'm proud of.